How often you have a scene and what do you usually do? You mentioned in a
past post you life anal. Do you do it much? What is your sex life like?
Do you go down on each other, use strapons?
For us, sex function as a glue that keeps our relationship working. We need to connect that way, to reinforce our love and our dynamic. It's very much about her owning me, about me belonging to her, and about us being together. Unfortunately life has a nasty tendency to get in the way of our sex life. I tend to blame it all on us being parents, but the fact is that before the kid came along we had a lot of other stuff getting in the way. So not as often as we'd like tends to be the constant answer. But I know that if it's been a week and we haven't had sex and/or a S/M-scene, I start to feel crappy and get obnoxious. So somewhere between a couple of times a week and every forthnight, depending on health and stress levels mostly.
I'm all for fucking the stress away but Mistress needs to decompress and feel comfortable with herself and her home and her world before her libido gets going, and she's the one who gets to say when.
We don't have vanilla sex, I don't think we could even if we for some reason would want to. It doesn't necessarily involve toys or pain or orders, but she's always in charge. I'm receptive and present and willing and communicating, but she's the one deciding what we're going to do. I don't touch her without permission (it doesn't have to be verbal though) or change position or things like that. It's very much her fucking me, not the other way around.
She uses a strap on or her hands, and I'm often encouraged to use my hands too. We're not into oral sex, either of us, so we don't do that. When it's more scene-like, with more sadism and toys and perhaps planned a little in advanced it's usually very calm and slow and serene. She has trained me to lie perfectly still, and she's very methodic and focused. She never tells me in advance what she's going to do, and I'm pretty sure she makes it up as she goes along, but it feels almost ritualistic, very ordered, very centered.
I like anal, very much, but Mistress seem to be rather indifferent to it. If she just want to fuck me my pussy is more convenient, and that's usually what she uses. I always want more anal sex (like I always want more orgasms, and fucking, and beating, and hugging and attention and just generally more of everything because I'm a glutton) but it's not something I obsesse about. She fucks me that way sometimes and when she do I love it. That's about it.
Showing posts with label anal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anal. Show all posts
Mar 10, 2014
Dec 27, 2012
The things I don't want to talk about
This time I'm going to use the blog to write about something Mistress ordered me to write about. Sometimes, written indirect communication is a lot easier than saying things out loud.
We had a talk the other day, about one of the areas were we function differently. We compliment each other a lot, and often that's a good thing. But in some ways it's problematic, because our basic ways of handling hings are very different.
If I get an idea or if something pops into my head, I act on it pretty immediately. I look it up, I examine it, I get interested and check it out. If it's something fun and doable, I do it. Pronto. If it's not, I drop it and don't think about it again. I'm either on or I'm not, there's no waiting and no in-between.
When Mistress gets an idea or hears about something, she goes "hmm...". She ponders it, I guess, and I also guess it is sorted into some sort of category of "interesting things to explore later". And there it sits, possibly forever. If she gets another impulse later on, it might be taken out and re-examined, perhaps with a little bit more interest, and then put back in the inner filing cabinet again. This can go on for some time, until one day the opportunity is exactly right, the cue comes at the right moment, and she tries whatever it is out. But she can wait for years, even for things she has a positive attitude towards.
If I haven't acted on something for years, or even a few weeks, it's very likely that I'm not into it. I don't have a filing cabinet. I'm a Just-In-Time sort of business.
So sometimes I forget that Mistress isn't like me. I can suggest something, maybe a little embarrassing, maybe a little kinky, and she goes "hmm...". And then I wait. And wait. And wait. And maybe, just maybe, I'll mention it again a little later. And then I wait. But if nothing has happened by then, if she hasn't acted on the idea after a short while, I draw the for me logical conclusion that she hated the idea, that it will never ever happen, and that I made a fool out of myself by nagging her about it. "I'm such a moron". Enter shame and self-loathing.
And then I do my very best to erase that desire from my mind, because obviously it's not something she's into, and very futile for me to be interested in all on my own. But that process makes me grieve a little, and feel bad and a little ashamed of my self.
It's not a good process, and it makes me reluctant to ever mention anything I find interesting, because I feel so stupid when it doesn't happen.
We talked about it, and I hinted that yes, there are things I've mentioned that I would like us to do, but that I can't bring myself to mention again, because I've convinced myself that she doesn't want it anyway and that I make a fool of myself if I admit to wanting it. Of course, that didn't fly and she wanted to know what things, but when I got all caught up in embarrassment and anxiety over it she relented. "Ok", she said, "you can write about it in your blog instead".
Actually, I think she said "the next time you write in your blog" but... it's hard.
But I did write about knifeplay. That's one of the things.
Figging is another. Sin at finding my submission just wrote a piece about it, and that inspired me to finally write this somewhat awkward post.
I like figging. And Mistress has done it to me, and she seemed very enthusiastic when she tried it, and she knows I love it. And then it just never happens, and with time the whole concept grows into an aching little thing in my heart and I shy away from any reminder of it. I don't want to think about or feel anything about it, because it hurts, and it makes me feel stupid.
I hate it when I want something she doesn't want. Often I can re-direct my wants to align with hers', and that makes the problem go away. But when I can't, or when I get mixed signals and can't really read what she wants, it hurts me. It makes me feel bad over being me, and I've yet to figure out anyway to deal with that in any constructive manner.
So yeah. Figging. I can write it here, reluctantly, but I can't say it out loud. I've said it to many times, from my perspective, and she knows it already.
Anything else? Well, anything to do with anal play, really. Something I like a lot, and she... likes sometimes. I think it's just to much bother most of the time, and she said once that when we're always in a hurry she likes to keep to the sure things, the things she knows can get us both off. And I get that, and it makes sense. I still can't bear to suggest any one thing more than once or twice though, no matter the circumstances. If I think she knows that I like something, I don't want to say it. I mean, she knows already. I can't give her any new information.
Hmm... I seem to have a lending-fetish, I guess one can call it. This too she knows, and this I do talk about sometimes, because I don't have the feeling that she could have done it and has chosen not to. What with the kid and our very restricted social life the lack of opportunities are very evident. I don't have to think she's never done it (or seldom done it) because she doesn't want to. I still don't like the feeling that I'm nagging her, but yeah, it's one of those things I sometimes wish for.
I want to be lent out by her. I want to be used by other people. Not sexually necessarily, in the intercourse sort of way, it's really more the objectification-aspect of it all. I love to be openly hers when in company, because it makes it real to me in a way that makes me feel all kinds of good. I think this is mostly an extension of that. I want to be treated as an object, or as a submissive, by other people too.
She once, or maybe twice, have let someone other than her hold my leash in a club, and just thinking about that makes me tingly. Things like that. Being ordered around. Being made to submit. Being dominated openly in company. That's a fetish of mine, I think.
In fantasies, sure, sex plays a part, but being used sexually is not at the core of it. The core is being used, being seen as not-in-charge, being seen as hers more than an equal. I think it might be so simple as being seen as the person I really am, rather than the one society tells me to be.
Okay, that was all I think. It's mostly the figging-thing that's an issue. The rest is just as it is. I think the list is longer, probably, but this is what comes to my mind right now. I'll be an obedient slut and fill in missing pieces as they turn up.
We had a talk the other day, about one of the areas were we function differently. We compliment each other a lot, and often that's a good thing. But in some ways it's problematic, because our basic ways of handling hings are very different.
If I get an idea or if something pops into my head, I act on it pretty immediately. I look it up, I examine it, I get interested and check it out. If it's something fun and doable, I do it. Pronto. If it's not, I drop it and don't think about it again. I'm either on or I'm not, there's no waiting and no in-between.
When Mistress gets an idea or hears about something, she goes "hmm...". She ponders it, I guess, and I also guess it is sorted into some sort of category of "interesting things to explore later". And there it sits, possibly forever. If she gets another impulse later on, it might be taken out and re-examined, perhaps with a little bit more interest, and then put back in the inner filing cabinet again. This can go on for some time, until one day the opportunity is exactly right, the cue comes at the right moment, and she tries whatever it is out. But she can wait for years, even for things she has a positive attitude towards.
If I haven't acted on something for years, or even a few weeks, it's very likely that I'm not into it. I don't have a filing cabinet. I'm a Just-In-Time sort of business.
So sometimes I forget that Mistress isn't like me. I can suggest something, maybe a little embarrassing, maybe a little kinky, and she goes "hmm...". And then I wait. And wait. And wait. And maybe, just maybe, I'll mention it again a little later. And then I wait. But if nothing has happened by then, if she hasn't acted on the idea after a short while, I draw the for me logical conclusion that she hated the idea, that it will never ever happen, and that I made a fool out of myself by nagging her about it. "I'm such a moron". Enter shame and self-loathing.
And then I do my very best to erase that desire from my mind, because obviously it's not something she's into, and very futile for me to be interested in all on my own. But that process makes me grieve a little, and feel bad and a little ashamed of my self.
It's not a good process, and it makes me reluctant to ever mention anything I find interesting, because I feel so stupid when it doesn't happen.
We talked about it, and I hinted that yes, there are things I've mentioned that I would like us to do, but that I can't bring myself to mention again, because I've convinced myself that she doesn't want it anyway and that I make a fool of myself if I admit to wanting it. Of course, that didn't fly and she wanted to know what things, but when I got all caught up in embarrassment and anxiety over it she relented. "Ok", she said, "you can write about it in your blog instead".
Actually, I think she said "the next time you write in your blog" but... it's hard.
But I did write about knifeplay. That's one of the things.
Figging is another. Sin at finding my submission just wrote a piece about it, and that inspired me to finally write this somewhat awkward post.
I like figging. And Mistress has done it to me, and she seemed very enthusiastic when she tried it, and she knows I love it. And then it just never happens, and with time the whole concept grows into an aching little thing in my heart and I shy away from any reminder of it. I don't want to think about or feel anything about it, because it hurts, and it makes me feel stupid.
I hate it when I want something she doesn't want. Often I can re-direct my wants to align with hers', and that makes the problem go away. But when I can't, or when I get mixed signals and can't really read what she wants, it hurts me. It makes me feel bad over being me, and I've yet to figure out anyway to deal with that in any constructive manner.
So yeah. Figging. I can write it here, reluctantly, but I can't say it out loud. I've said it to many times, from my perspective, and she knows it already.
Anything else? Well, anything to do with anal play, really. Something I like a lot, and she... likes sometimes. I think it's just to much bother most of the time, and she said once that when we're always in a hurry she likes to keep to the sure things, the things she knows can get us both off. And I get that, and it makes sense. I still can't bear to suggest any one thing more than once or twice though, no matter the circumstances. If I think she knows that I like something, I don't want to say it. I mean, she knows already. I can't give her any new information.
Hmm... I seem to have a lending-fetish, I guess one can call it. This too she knows, and this I do talk about sometimes, because I don't have the feeling that she could have done it and has chosen not to. What with the kid and our very restricted social life the lack of opportunities are very evident. I don't have to think she's never done it (or seldom done it) because she doesn't want to. I still don't like the feeling that I'm nagging her, but yeah, it's one of those things I sometimes wish for.
I want to be lent out by her. I want to be used by other people. Not sexually necessarily, in the intercourse sort of way, it's really more the objectification-aspect of it all. I love to be openly hers when in company, because it makes it real to me in a way that makes me feel all kinds of good. I think this is mostly an extension of that. I want to be treated as an object, or as a submissive, by other people too.
She once, or maybe twice, have let someone other than her hold my leash in a club, and just thinking about that makes me tingly. Things like that. Being ordered around. Being made to submit. Being dominated openly in company. That's a fetish of mine, I think.
In fantasies, sure, sex plays a part, but being used sexually is not at the core of it. The core is being used, being seen as not-in-charge, being seen as hers more than an equal. I think it might be so simple as being seen as the person I really am, rather than the one society tells me to be.
Okay, that was all I think. It's mostly the figging-thing that's an issue. The rest is just as it is. I think the list is longer, probably, but this is what comes to my mind right now. I'll be an obedient slut and fill in missing pieces as they turn up.
Apr 27, 2012
The luxury of working from home with kid at pre-school
Mistress worked from home today, and even though she more or less locked herself in our bedroom/office (actually, not the best combination of space, but the best we've been able to come up with) already at 7.15 this morning, when I came home around two she closed her computer and started the weekend. She'd declared that this morning already, that she planned to spend an hour with me before it was time to pick up little S at pre-school, and it made me feel so good - cared for, excited, like I was promised a big treat.
And it was a big treat. Time for just us, time to be together, time to enjoy each other, sure that nothing would disturb us - that's luxury. That's the absolut best thing in the world, for me.
She even asked me what her slut was yearning for, what I wanted most of all. And I realised that my answer was perfectly truthful - "to be used in any way Mistress desires". That's not coming from any kind of altruistic place, I'm not trying to please her or hiding anything. On her request I could come up with a hundred juicy scenarios of things she might do to me - but if she asks me what I truly want, it's as simple as being of pleasure to her. Her answer was "then I think I'll fuck you. That's what I want the most."
And she did. At first, though, we undressed, and she chained me to the bed in leather handcuffs. The moment the snap hook closes and I now I wont be able to reach anything to get loose, there's like a sigh going through my whole body. I'm completely relaxed, I simply surrender, and I'm never happier then that.
She stroked me and caressed me, then spanked me a little, and eventually she probed my ass with a buttplug. We do have a buttplug problem, though, because I've developed an allergy to latex, and all our plugs is made of it. She tried it, but I had to admit to it stinging in the wrong way, and eventually she focused her attention on other things, and started fucking me for real.
Something about the whole thing, being caressed, being tied down, having time on our hands, her using the plug on me - it drove away my usual inhibitions. After a while, I was about to start begging her to take me in the ass, and she shortly coaxed the plead out of me. After she'd demanded an orgasm from me, she ordered me to turn over, and did take me from behind. It was a long time ago, at least it felt like it, and it was wonderful. Hurtful, but wonderful. There's equal parts indulgence and shame in it for me, I love it and I'm deeply embarrased about loving it, and also, it hurts alot. Afterwards, I was somehow drained, feeling smaller and more vulnerable than I've done for a long time.
And that's ok, because we cuddled some more, took a shower, and later on, she went to pick up little S, and I'm allowed to simply stay put, taking it easy and regaining my composure. That was a long time ago too - to have the time to put me deep into subspace, doing things that affect me strongly, and me having the time to recuperate.
I'm feeling so very blessed today. Soon, my family is back home, we're going to eat tacos in front of the teve, and everything is fine.
(I'm still having the fever, though. The doc said nothing dangerous, probably virus, it will pass. Hopefully, he's right.)
(We've thrown away the plugs. No point in having toys if they're dangerous to play with. I'm hoping for a glass or metal one instead, but she might prefer silicon. I guess I'll find out.)
And it was a big treat. Time for just us, time to be together, time to enjoy each other, sure that nothing would disturb us - that's luxury. That's the absolut best thing in the world, for me.
She even asked me what her slut was yearning for, what I wanted most of all. And I realised that my answer was perfectly truthful - "to be used in any way Mistress desires". That's not coming from any kind of altruistic place, I'm not trying to please her or hiding anything. On her request I could come up with a hundred juicy scenarios of things she might do to me - but if she asks me what I truly want, it's as simple as being of pleasure to her. Her answer was "then I think I'll fuck you. That's what I want the most."
And she did. At first, though, we undressed, and she chained me to the bed in leather handcuffs. The moment the snap hook closes and I now I wont be able to reach anything to get loose, there's like a sigh going through my whole body. I'm completely relaxed, I simply surrender, and I'm never happier then that.
She stroked me and caressed me, then spanked me a little, and eventually she probed my ass with a buttplug. We do have a buttplug problem, though, because I've developed an allergy to latex, and all our plugs is made of it. She tried it, but I had to admit to it stinging in the wrong way, and eventually she focused her attention on other things, and started fucking me for real.
Something about the whole thing, being caressed, being tied down, having time on our hands, her using the plug on me - it drove away my usual inhibitions. After a while, I was about to start begging her to take me in the ass, and she shortly coaxed the plead out of me. After she'd demanded an orgasm from me, she ordered me to turn over, and did take me from behind. It was a long time ago, at least it felt like it, and it was wonderful. Hurtful, but wonderful. There's equal parts indulgence and shame in it for me, I love it and I'm deeply embarrased about loving it, and also, it hurts alot. Afterwards, I was somehow drained, feeling smaller and more vulnerable than I've done for a long time.
And that's ok, because we cuddled some more, took a shower, and later on, she went to pick up little S, and I'm allowed to simply stay put, taking it easy and regaining my composure. That was a long time ago too - to have the time to put me deep into subspace, doing things that affect me strongly, and me having the time to recuperate.
I'm feeling so very blessed today. Soon, my family is back home, we're going to eat tacos in front of the teve, and everything is fine.
(I'm still having the fever, though. The doc said nothing dangerous, probably virus, it will pass. Hopefully, he's right.)
(We've thrown away the plugs. No point in having toys if they're dangerous to play with. I'm hoping for a glass or metal one instead, but she might prefer silicon. I guess I'll find out.)
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