So yeah, it was awhile ago since I blogged. And that's okay, it happens to everyone. But... I actually had to go to http://slavetomasterblog.blogspot.se/ tp check her blogroll to remember the name of this place. That'
s bad. That's really bad.
I do have the excuse that my life has been completely topsy-turvy for about a month now, and that I should probably be happy about remembering my own name at least.
My job contract was up in June and I was offered to stay on but in the end I changed jobs which means we'
re relocating after the summer. Or rather re-relocating, we're going home again. Mistress has been working from home alternating with travelling a lot, and we're moving back to closer to her actual workplace, and our home town. It's all good, I think it will be a good job for me and we never really settled in here anyway. But it's changes, and changes are hard.
And we've found and bought this amazing house. We're moving in August 14th, and we can't wait. We're both on vacation until then and little S is home with us, and yesterday we came home from a two week road trip to the south ofSweden. Before that I did three weeks at the new job, sleeping at a friends' house during the weekdays, and yeah, we haven't had decent routines or anything resembling order and structure for over a month.
But amazingly we're both good with each other. We have all sorts of stress induced symptoms, from cold sores to panic attacks, but we're in love and secure with each other. A couple of weeks ago this kind of stress and lack of alone time would have driven us at each others throats and induced hundreds of "you don't really love me!!!" meltdowns. I'm so glad we're not doing that right now.
The house though. The house! We found our dreamhouse, it's perfect in so many ways. It never even got out on the market, we heard about it from a friend of my moms. I got a phone number to "someone who wants to sell their house, you should call her" and got up my nerve and did. I'm so glad I did, Mistress wasn't even at home that week, and I was in all kinds of jitters (I have a bit of a phone phobia, calling strangers is not my favourite pastime).
We arranged to check it out on the way to somewhere else and got thirty minutes roaming around with a overexcited little S hanging around our throats while making small talks to the current owners. And two days later we made an offer and they accepted and well, we bought it.
It's built somewhere before 1850, a very classic red two story Swedish farm house. It's got original floor boards that are 50 cm wide, five fireplaces (one in the master bedroom) and it's beautifully renovated with all modern appliances. We don't have to do a thing, we're just moving in.
It also got 8 acres of land, and several outbuildings with different functions. One is a stable, and we're getting horses! Probably not this fall, since there is some work to do to make the woods and the farm land into pasture and get the outbuildings in to use, but next summer for sure.
We have our own woods! With hunting rights. Well, we have land for almost anything we might like to do. The school bus stops just outside the house, it's in a little village with other kids (though we don't know ages and whether or not they are playmate-material of course) and it's just perfect.
Jan 19, 2015
Resolution
In the middle of the fall I wrote about getting another baby. That's still on, but the timeline has shifted. Because that goal I made, about losing 10% body weight? Fail, utterly fail. I know enough about the body and weight loss to not be surprised. It is hard to change, and I didn't have the energy to work enough for it. Because I put that energy into other things, work mostly.
But that's not okay. This fall I've prioritised work and to some extent our kid over Mistress and our relationship and over my own health in a way that isn't okay. For a short time, yes, but not for life.
We've made a deal. Or rather, I've asked her for help. I want to lose weight. And for the first time in my life, I think, I'm not worried about eating disorder or becoming bulimic. I was, for a lot of years, and the ADHD hasn't helped either. But I'm not anymore.I don't get those feelings and thoughts I used to get, and I'm not scared anymore. I don't think I'll want to throw up or get notions about starving myself. It feels safe, finally, and there's a freedom in that.
The last week Mistress has put the food on my plate, and every day I go to work with a bag with my lunch in it, allowed only to eat what's in it. It makes everything ridicolously easy, to be honest. There was this big chocolate and whipped cream cake at work today, a colleague had brought left overs from some week end party. And it wasn't even hard not to eat it. I'm supposed to eat what Mistress sent with me, and therefore it wasn't even a question.
Knowing my usual pattern, this will start to get hard again real soon. And then easy for a while, and then difficult again. Because that is how it works. But right now, I'm just revelling in being Mistress' good girl and in feeling healthy and in tune with my life goals. Good things, all around.
But that's not okay. This fall I've prioritised work and to some extent our kid over Mistress and our relationship and over my own health in a way that isn't okay. For a short time, yes, but not for life.
We've made a deal. Or rather, I've asked her for help. I want to lose weight. And for the first time in my life, I think, I'm not worried about eating disorder or becoming bulimic. I was, for a lot of years, and the ADHD hasn't helped either. But I'm not anymore.I don't get those feelings and thoughts I used to get, and I'm not scared anymore. I don't think I'll want to throw up or get notions about starving myself. It feels safe, finally, and there's a freedom in that.
The last week Mistress has put the food on my plate, and every day I go to work with a bag with my lunch in it, allowed only to eat what's in it. It makes everything ridicolously easy, to be honest. There was this big chocolate and whipped cream cake at work today, a colleague had brought left overs from some week end party. And it wasn't even hard not to eat it. I'm supposed to eat what Mistress sent with me, and therefore it wasn't even a question.
Knowing my usual pattern, this will start to get hard again real soon. And then easy for a while, and then difficult again. Because that is how it works. But right now, I'm just revelling in being Mistress' good girl and in feeling healthy and in tune with my life goals. Good things, all around.
Jan 11, 2015
Her touch
I'm amazed by the feelings I get when she touches me. Not just holding my hand or the cuddle on the sofa in front of the telly, but how it feels when I suddenly realise she wants me. The touch of her hands, the feeling of her mouth to mine, her body close to mine. It's always amazing.
I've been working to much this fall, at least that's how it feels. We've had the everyday life we were asking for, but there hasn't been enough time or energy left for us. We haven't done anything just the two of us, no movie theater or beer at the pub. Nothing, just putting kid to bed, watch Dr Who, go to sleep. That's nok okay. That's not enough.
She just fucked me, hard and lovingly, and now she's making sandwiches to eat in front of the telly. And she told me to go write something, anything, about the kinky side of our life. The silence on here has a direct connection to the all to little focus the power exchange between us, and the love and sex and connection between us, has gotten at the end of 2014. I think there's a good chance that that will change in 2015.
I've been working to much this fall, at least that's how it feels. We've had the everyday life we were asking for, but there hasn't been enough time or energy left for us. We haven't done anything just the two of us, no movie theater or beer at the pub. Nothing, just putting kid to bed, watch Dr Who, go to sleep. That's nok okay. That's not enough.
She just fucked me, hard and lovingly, and now she's making sandwiches to eat in front of the telly. And she told me to go write something, anything, about the kinky side of our life. The silence on here has a direct connection to the all to little focus the power exchange between us, and the love and sex and connection between us, has gotten at the end of 2014. I think there's a good chance that that will change in 2015.
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