And then a week later they suddenly decided they had to do that c-section. And she wasn't there. She was at work I think. Far away from me. Little S was at school. And I was in a hospital bed hours away in a strange city.
In the end they could postpone the operation to the afternoon and she made it in time. I didn't have to be alone when I found out if my baby would live or die.
Mar 15, 2018
Mar 14, 2018
She made it
One of the hardest times was when I thought I was going to die alone.
I was stable you see and no one seemed to worry about me just then. I just couldn't leave the hospital. And little S had been picked up from school by my dad and didn't know what was going on but we had promised her we would come home "tonight". This was before we stopped making promises, before we learned we would just have to break them. So Mistress left and started to drive home at ten in the evening.
Shortly after that the pain started. It made me puke. I thought my head was going to split in two. They gave me morphin but it didn't help. I texted her: Pain. Throwing up. Turn around and come back.
She did but she was almost all the way home by then, at least 45 minutes from me. And I really really thought I was going to die on that bed, surrounded by strangers prodding and poking me, while she was driving through the night to reach me.
I didn't, obviously. And they didn’t even had to do an emergency c-section. She came and she held my hand and her just being there made the terror sink away. Because then at least I wouldn't die alone.
I was stable you see and no one seemed to worry about me just then. I just couldn't leave the hospital. And little S had been picked up from school by my dad and didn't know what was going on but we had promised her we would come home "tonight". This was before we stopped making promises, before we learned we would just have to break them. So Mistress left and started to drive home at ten in the evening.
Shortly after that the pain started. It made me puke. I thought my head was going to split in two. They gave me morphin but it didn't help. I texted her: Pain. Throwing up. Turn around and come back.
She did but she was almost all the way home by then, at least 45 minutes from me. And I really really thought I was going to die on that bed, surrounded by strangers prodding and poking me, while she was driving through the night to reach me.
I didn't, obviously. And they didn’t even had to do an emergency c-section. She came and she held my hand and her just being there made the terror sink away. Because then at least I wouldn't die alone.
Oct 16, 2016
Being open and with friends
We had friends over this weekend, two whole families actually. Two couples with their kids came and stayed the night and it was really nice. Even more special since we're all doing BDSM. Not together, that is, there were no play and no overt dominance going on at all.
But there's something about hanging out with people I can be open with that matters a lot to me. It's not that I say or do anything in particular. It's just that I'm more comfortable, more myself. More in love with Mistress, too. Knowing that I don't have to hide makes a big difference, even if the hiding usually isn't all that taxing.
I guess it's like getting out of uncomfortable clothes. It's one thing to stand it when you have to wear them all the time, but when you can take them off for a while it feels really really good.
But there's something about hanging out with people I can be open with that matters a lot to me. It's not that I say or do anything in particular. It's just that I'm more comfortable, more myself. More in love with Mistress, too. Knowing that I don't have to hide makes a big difference, even if the hiding usually isn't all that taxing.
I guess it's like getting out of uncomfortable clothes. It's one thing to stand it when you have to wear them all the time, but when you can take them off for a while it feels really really good.
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