Jul 16, 2010


Vacation. That´s the thing. Glorious vacation. Eight days in a cabin by the sea, with my Owners parents. And, very important, with my Owners parents and our little babygirl in a different cabin than the one me and my Owner has been sleeping in. Eight nights of uninterrupted sleep. That in itself was heaven. And eight nights of falling asleep together, of sleeping the whole night together, and of waking up together without having spent the night apart. We needed that, badly.

If only babygirl could sleep at night, everything would be so much better. The sleeplessness ruins if not everything, then at least a whole lot. Everything is harder when nobody gets to sleep properly.

I love waking up with my Owner. I love going to sleep with her. And I love getting spanked, and fucked, and taken care of. It so so wonderful, and I've cried several times over how wonderful it is, and how I've missed it.

Jul 7, 2010

I wish

I wish this was a blog about a happy, kinky D/s couple. I wish, dearly, that we were a happy, kinky D/s couple. But mostly, we're in crisis, crying and arguing, or in job-mood, getting things done, but definitely not doing it.

And nowadays not even that is any good anymore. We used to work so well together. That was one of our strongest point, that we were great coworkers and got things done. Now it feels like we're bickering all the time, over the simplest things.

I want her to be my Owner, my Mistress, my Syr. But me wanting it doesn't make it so. She has to act the part. She has to actually make decisions. Have opinions and express them. Care about me and think about what she wants with me, how she wants me and what she wants me to do. And she has to express that care and those wants in a way that makes sense to me, that is directed at me and that shows that she's the boss and I'm not.

Every other day, she does those things. But every other day she doesn't. And that doesn't really work for me, because on the days she doesn't, she breaks my heart.

And it hurts.

Jul 5, 2010

A floaty day

Yesterday, my Owner used the rope on me, for the first time in a long time. It's not really practical to tie me up properly, when babygirl might start crying any given minute. But we have my mother in law visiting two nights, and she slept in baby's room yesterday. We hade the evening and the night all to ourselves, and it was amazing. It's like we're starting to get backt to our old selves again. My Owner has started to resemble the person I fell in love with, the person she was before the baby. I hadn't realised how much she hade changed. Or how much I missed her.

And I've missed the bondage. I love being tied up and knowing I can't get loose. It's a little scary, and very wonderful.

Today I've been a little floaty, a little out there, and very glingy. The best thing is that my MIL is still visiting with us, and I've been able to actually be clingy and floaty without having to suck it up and get a grip on myself and take care of everything with the baby. One more person makes all the difference.

Jul 4, 2010


It's all getting a little bit better. I think something like 50% of all couples who go through a divorce does it during the first two years of their first child. And I get why. Becoming parents was a crisis in itself, for both of us, individually. And we couldn't really deal with that crisis, since we had to deal with the practical reality of having a baby to take care of. And we couldn't support eachother in it either, because again - we had a baby. Who demanded to be held 24 hours every day, and screamed a lot of the time anyway.

So we've both been feeling like crap a lot the last year, and we've been missing eachother a lot too.

But it's getting better. More specifically, my Owner has vacation for four weeks. Everything will get better during the vacation. 'Cause I say so!