Dec 30, 2015

Assignment: rules

Mistress gave me another assignment today: to list rules. Three rules we have, three rules we don't have yet but that I would like and three rules we don't have that I really wouldn't want.

So okay, here goes:

Rules we have:
1) I have to ask permission before going to bed at night.
2) After Mistress has said good night to me I'm not allowed to talk anymore before falling asleep.
3) I'm not allowed to eat sweets of any kind without asking for permission any day except Saturday.

Rules we don't have that I'd like:
1) Waiting for Mistress' approval before starting to eat when we are together.
2) Being naked, in a robe or otherwise dressed in some specific way when we're alone together in the evenings.
3) Having specific postures for different situations, for example kneeling beside her or standing in some specific way when waiting for her (when we're alone).

Rules we don't have that I wouldn't want:
1) Not being allowed at all to masturbate or orgasm alone.
2) Not being allowed to buy stuff at all or without prior permission.
3) Not being allowed to discuss our relationship or Mistress with other people, in real life or on internet.

When I started writing this assignment seemed really difficult. But it turned out to be pretty straightforward. And it made me think about the rules we have now, and why we have them and also about those we've tried but not kept. Those we have now survived the purgatory and are useful and simple. I wouldn't want to live without them.

Dec 29, 2015


Another thing we discussed were rules. We do have them, I'm sure of it. Sometimes, when I screw up, we notice them.

But the things that seemed sexy or challenging or at least a little kinky when they came in to effect are now very mundane and taken for granted. So maybe it would be a good idea to write them down. Both to remember them and to evaluate them and maybe to get that kinky feeling back a little.

We have one very definit rule I'm pretty sure is not going to be re-evaluated anytime soon. I got reminded, painfully, of that yesterday, when I forgot it.

Rule: I am not allowed to stick my tongue out to Mistress.

Mission: dressing gown

We've been talking a lot the last few days. Good talks, about what we can do to bring more of the magic back into our relationship. There's nothing wrong with the foundation, it's rock solid. But having the kid, me being sick, moving a couple of times; the stress of the last few years has made us trim away everything that isn't absolutely necessary. We have a good cake, but all the frosting is gone. And the filling. And also the spoon, platters and well everything except the cake part. And it's kind of boring.

One of the things we've talked about is the time each night when little S has fallen asleep and we have a couple of hours before bedtime. Usually we do some necessary things first, clean up in the kitchen, talk about household administration stuff, maybe take a shower  or prepare stuff for the next day. And then we usually make us some tea and sandwiches and snuggle on the couch in front of the telly. Without making any big changes this time could be used much more to reinforce our roles, to be us in a way we can't be in front of little S or other people.

So we discussed if it wouldn't be much better if I was naked. And yes, that would be a good way to reinforce my status in comparison to Mistress, and it would leave me vulnerable and make me feel more submissive. It would also, unfortunately, probably leave me with a cold. The house is usually around 17-18 degrees Celsius, and that's just below comfortable temperature if you don't have clothes. Actually we usually have a warm sweater on, sometimes long johns too, and always warm socks and slippers.

Okay then, but why not a nice dressing robe?

So I have an assignment - before January 6th I am to present three different alternatives for sexy, cosy dressing robes to Mistress.

Here they are:

Dressing gown Hemtex

Dressing gown Twilfit

Dressing gown Sova

Dec 25, 2015

Random thoughts on Christmas Day

Our first Christmas in the new house. This is our seventh Christmas as parents, and some of them have been remarkably lousy. Like the year when the kid had a stomach bug that just wouldn't let up and we went to the ER in the middle of the night in fear of her being dehydrated. Or the one when she started the day with picking up a piece of glass and putting it in her mouth. She spent all of Christmas dinner crying, and we had no idea why until later when we discovered she had cut herself. Anyway, big family gathering with lots of expectations has a tendency to end up disappointing.

This was a good one, though. Everybody was more or less nice to each other, and our kid played happily with her two cousins a lot of the day. We even managed to make the preparations and clean up for two meals (with ten people) not be entirely done by the females of the crowd. My brother and uncle didn't volunter, but they did agree when asked directly, and that will have to count as good enough.

That's a bit ridiculous actually. We were seven adults; me and Mistress, my brother and his wife, my mother, and my fathers brother och and his older sister. I have ADHD and a history of burn out and I'm very easily fatigued. My sister in law has Ehler-Danlos syndrome, a chronic illness that gives pain and physical weakness and fatigue. My mother had a stroke two years ago, and my aunt has Parkinson. So of us seven, only three are in fighting shape; my wife, my brother and my uncle. That didn't stop the two guys from spending a good part of the afternoon in beds on their backs, telling each other facts about unrelated things. Male privilege. I kind of hate it.

Anyway, today is spent at home just the three of us. I'm doing the privilege thing and lounging about upstairs while Mistress is playing with little S right now. But I'll join them soon, and my plan is that Mistress will be doing the lounging after dinner.

Of kink there is for the time beeing absolutely none. Because of life, and sickness and stress and missed opportunities and well... life. Mistress doesn't do kink or sex or anything like that when she's stressed, and we've been sick in some flu-like virus the week before Christmas. So yeah.

It's interesting, because I can feel how I slowly start to lose my good manners when we drift apart. I'm not intentionally bad in any way, but I get careless I guess. Or insecure, and therefore a bit obnoxious. It doesn't really make any sense, because we're not in a bad place actually. We just haven't had the opportunity for play or sex for a while. In every other way we're all good. But still. I lose my sense of place in the world, I get all uncomfortable and I don't like it.

The more I can behave myself and be the obedient and loving partner my Mistress wants me to be, the better it will be. The sooner we'll get on the right track again. If I start acting up and panic, we'll have to put a lot of valuable time and energy into fixing things, resources better spent having fun. So I'm trying.

I have a paper sign I've made to myself, several years ago, on the refrigerator. It has the words "acceptance, patience, trust" written on it. I try to remember that and be as well as I can in the moment.

Dec 14, 2015

An innocent object

This rattan carpet beater has been lying on top of a book shelf in the living room since we moved in. I think it came with the house, and I guess it just got put there to be out of the way. We don't need it (we don't have that kind of carpets) but it's not in the way or anything.

Yesterday Mistress beat me with it. And then she fucked me. I was all happy and cuddly and warm afterwards. When it was time for bed, she put it back where it was, as if nothing happened. And suddenly, I'm hyper aware that we have a spanking implement on a shelf in the living room. Oh my God! What if someone sees it?

I mean, they might have seen it at any time the last four months. But that doesn't seem to matter, for some reason. It's still a little bit embarrasing and a lot tingly to know that it's up there.