Feb 23, 2011


The internship is actually really great, I like the tutor and it's interesting work. It's at the hospital, at a division focusing on pain, with patients whose main problem is painrelated - sometimes postoperational or cancer related, sometimes pain without an explanation. My tutor is the psychologist in a team with mostly doctors and nurses, and I kind of tag along.

Not too long days, not too stressfull. But it's a very strange feeling being away from home all day. And most of all, it's a strange feeling being in a context of proffesionals and being expected to act like one, be one, myself.

I'm not even sure anymore that I want to be a proffesional. Actually, I really just want to be my Owners little slut. I don't want my studies to take over and stress me and make me forget what's important to me and what it is that makes me happy.

What really makes me happy is belonging to my Owner. Everything else is secondary. It's important for me to remember that, and to not let everybody else and their problems get to me.

Feb 21, 2011


I got my internship after all, the tutor changed his mind again. Or something. Actually, he had gotten fired, the day before I was to start. But he got transferred to other duties, and it's okay for me to tag along. I don't really care - as long as I have somewhere to go.

But I'm not sure if I'm cut out for this working life. I really enjoyed beeing a housewife. For the next ten weeks, however, I will be at a workplace from eight to four thirty, and that's that.

I'm already really, really tired. How does people do this?

(I should know - I've done it before. But I seem to have forgotten how much I really don't like it. I just want to be home and serve my Owner, and take care of my kid.)

Feb 19, 2011

Belated Valentines (and about sleep)

Soon, very soon, it's time for our daily bath with little S, the baby. After the bath I nurse her, and then she wants to go down to grandma. That's their thing, for a very long time now every night has been spent with grandma and grandpa when we're visiting. They give her a bottle, and put her to bed when she gets sleepy. And we, the tired mothers, get a few hours alone.

Earlier, when she was an infant and nursed the whole night, grandma brought her upstairs to us the first time she woke to feed, usually at about ten. And after that, I slept with her and my Owner slept in an other room. Not so fun. I like sleeping with my baby. But I like sleeping with my Owner more - not the least because she doesn't kick me all the time. Or wake up every two hours to suck at my breasts...

Nowadays we don't nurse during the night, and she sleeps more or less the whole night in her own crib. It's almost hard to believe, considering that she was practically glued on to one of us the first six month of her life, and even after that woke every two hours and cried 'til she was rocked to sleep. For about one more year... That's when the sleeplessness came in to play. Turns out eight hours nervous sleep every 48 hours isn't enough for either my Owner nor me. Go figure.


Since a couple of months ago little S sleeps okay, and tonight like every night she'll do it downstairs. And me and Mistress are going to celebrate Valentines Day, a little belated. Originally we planned to go out for drinks, but it's so cold that it doesn't feel very tempting. We changed our plans, and now we're going on a date at home instead. With a bottle of bubbly wine, shrimps and garlic bread. We'll probably even dress up (but I think I'll skip on the shoe part) and light some candles. And be alone. And talk like grown ups. And, actually, get drunk. At least a little drunk.

I'm looking forward to it.


Celebrating by ourselves

In the end we skipped the dining out part, and hade bubbles and shrimp at home all by ourselves. It was great.

Even colder

Now it's minus 27 degrees Celsius. That's minus 17 Farenheit. Babygirl is definitely not sticking her nose outside today. I'm at my Owners parents house, waiting for her while she's working, and trying to spend the time with my MIL and babygirl. I could think of more entertaining stuff to do on a Saturday.

Feb 18, 2011


It's minus 21 degrees Celsius outside right now, by the way. That's -6 Farhenheit, if I understand the converter correctly. It's very, very cold. Very cold. So cold that's it's not fun anymore.

I know that in some parts of the world, late February is the beginning of springtime. Here, in my part of the world, it's right in the middle of "freeze-your-ass-off"-time.

And I don't like it.

Snowy woods

The weekend from hell

I'm a psych major, and this term we're supposed to do an internship, for ten weeks. I'v gotten my internship at a great place, and were due to start monday. Yesterday, the tutor emailed the course organiser and said that they couldn't take me, due to "a crisis at the workplace". Great. They fight and bicker and now I don't have anywhere to go come Monday. It sucks, actually. I'm pulling every string I've got, but it's not easy finding a new place with this short notice (it's not easy finding a new place at all).

That started our weekend off. Today we went to a funeral, an hours drive away. My owners uncle died about a month ago, he was my father-in-laws only remaining brother. My FIL is a closet alcholist, and reeked of booze today. My poor mistress was panicky and out of sorts. And an hour long drive with a very energetic 1,5-year old is trying at the best of times. Which this wasn't.

The ceremony was nice, the cake was good, there was a playroom for our daughter in the parish house, and she slept all the way home. But boy, am I tired now...

And tomorrov, Saturday, mistress have to work most of the day. She has an important meeting, she's gonna lead a conference for about 90 people during the day. Which she, of course, is really stressed out about.

This really isn't a very good weekend. Really really.

But tuck babygirl in for the night, and have a few hours by ourselves. I look forward to that! Beer, snacks, a movie and my wife - all good things. And if I'm good, maybe she'll spank me! (Though probably not. Stress is not good for our sex life.)

Feb 17, 2011

A beating and a new beginning

I didn´t feel like writing here for a long time. The last summer post was about sleeplessness, and that part only got worse during the fall. It got so bad it was like torture. Hard to describe, hard to live with, very hard to write anything or want to write anything. And very little to write about. The brain does funny things when you don't sleep.

In some miraculous way, we have stayed together. We still, or all over again, like eachother. Love eachother. I'm hers, she's my Owner, my Mistress. And we're beginning to get an idea about how our life will be, as a family, without absolutely everything focusing on sleep. Babygirl sleeps through the night nowadays, at least most of the time, and even though it took us awhile, we are beginning to resemble human beings again.

She beat me, this morning. I begged for it yesterday, but if it's one thing I've learned the last year it's not to have expectations. She'll do what she wants to when she wants to, and really, that's the only way that works. But I can beg, and I did, and she said something like "no, I'll wait 'til the baby is at daycare".

And it turned out that she really meant this morning, when I've gotten back home again after leaving the baby. I didn't really think she would do it, mostly because I didn't want to be disappointed. But of course she did. She almost always do what she says she will. And now she ordered me to lay down on the bed, handcuffed me and chained me to the bed, and beat me. At first with her leather belt, than with the whip. The belt missed it's mark a couple of times, and landed at my small back in a frightening, painful way that made me cry. She hugged me, but didn't stop, and somehow that felt so right. Exactly as it's supposed to be. This beating wasn't about my pleasure, even though I needed it and had begged for it. It was about her, wanting to beat me.

With the whip for awhile I got that floaty feeling, it felt good and I was in subspace. But then she changed to her cane, a big, thuddy, heavy cane, one of the few implements that gives me bruises. And I love how obvious it was what she was doing - she wanted to mark me, plain and simple. It wasn't about what I felt or thought, it was about making pretty stripes on my ass. It was hard, actually, to lie still like she wants me to, but it helped that I know she sees when I'm struggling. She knew it was hard, it was supposed to be. It didn't get any easier when she switched to the rattan. The rattan makes me bleed, eventually. She had to tell me to lie still and take it, and that helped.

Afterwards, she fucked me, still handcuffed to the bed. It's the coolest feeling. I'm not really horny, I don't feel like that. But I think I'm wet. And I'm just so grateful to belong to her, to be taken by her. It simply feels right.I just want to belong to her, always and all the time.