Guilt by association

Mistress got a package today, the key ring to the collar from wyredslave that she'd bought. She promptly lost one of the keys, and they didn't include the ordered key on a keyring, so now it came in a special delivery. I'm sitting right now with the collar on, and it feels so good. I love it.

In the package there were also some gifts, postcards with quotes on, and a calendar that was a refrigerator magnet. It wont be going on our fridge though I wish it could, but one of the quotes read something like "it's the submissive who shows to others what type of persons owns them". That made me think of the workshop, and wonder how people perceive me in these circles, and how that reflects on Mistress.

I do know that I stand out a bit. Not that I look odd or anything, I have a feeling I look very very normal - a jeans and sweaters thirty-something mom, long brown hair in ponytail, a little on the plump side, cute-ish but not remarkable, no make up, no fancy shoes or jewellery. A bit plain, even. But in any kind of group discussions, I'm always one of those four or five people that talks. I always raise my hand, and I always have something to say.

I really do try to not be one of those that people roll their eyes at, I strive to be short and succinct and to keep my points relevant to the discussion. I often share something personal or some reflection or another, I'm not usually debating or arguing. But being in the discussion, participating, voicing thoughts and opinions, is what makes it interesting for me. What makes it relevant. I can sit still and just listen for two hours, but I wont remember a thing, and I would be dead tired. It's so much easier for me if I participate.

I did say some good things, I think. I made people laugh, twice. And in the break and afterwards, I had some great, although, short, talks with a handful of people afterwards, that I really liked and wish to talk to again.

But I wonder how I came off to others? And I wonder what impression people get of Mistress, through me? I'm really curious, but I guess I'll never know.

Playing hairdresser

I realised one more thing I do that I'm good at. I cut Mistress' and little S' hair. I've been training on Mistress since little S was an infant and the last time she was at the hairdresser resulted in her feeling hurt and upset. They never get how she wants it, and they always try to turn her into a girly girl. No matter how many times she says "classic mens look". Even when she brought me along for extra support could we manage to explain to the girl with the scissors that no, she did not want girly sideburns. Or hairspray. Or a nice feminine touch to her bangs.

So I've been practising, and shortening it gradually. Every time she reacts with an "Oh my God! What have you done!" and after an hour or so, she's used to it and likes it. Now I'm done to a 5mm buzz cut, and it's suits her perfectly.

Little S just gets her shortened at the neck and straight bangs at the front, so that the hair doesn't fall in her eyes. She's not overly found of combing, and her hair is kind of thin and flying all over the place, so it looks best a little shorter.

I guess cutting hair is a service, of sorts. I think that if I want to look for things I could be said to do specifically for Mistress, it makes much more sense to look at the specialised, once in a while-things, that takes guts and creativity. Those I'm good at. Routine stuff? Naaah. Not my thing.

Tent-putting-upping

One more thing I'm good at; I'm actually good at assembling things. We put together a party-tent today, one of those with four legs and a white plastic roof and nothing else. It came in a sack with a million almost identical sticks, that should be put together in a specific way, according to a not to exact sketch. We layed everything out very methodically, and managed to construct it with a minimum of fuss.

Since almost all our furniture is bought at IKEA, we've both had a lot of practice. I'm still rather proud of it, though. I'm actually good at assembling things.

At least when grandma helps out and distracts the three-year-old from using all the carefully laid out sticks as swords or building her own little miniature tent from half of them, claiming her right to "have some too".

Reading

I'm good at reading really fast. I'm not in the extreme super-league, I'm not sure if I'm a "fast-reader" by definition, but I get through books at an amazing speed. It's easy for me to remember what I read, too, and reading about stuff is a good way for me to learn.

When it comes to textbooks however, I have another skill, that's a bit paradoxical; I'm good at not reading the whole book. I never read a textbook from the first page to the last. Instead, I start by browsing through the book, starting with the last chapter. I notice headlines, image texts, and the general outlay. Then I check out the list of contents. After that I browse again, reading parts that stands out to me, getting hooked here and there, changing page when I lose interest. Sometimes there's parts I really need to know, and then I might underline a few things.

And then I'm done. That's it. After that, I add what I've read to what is said on lectures and seminars, cataloguing it in my mental library, and when the exam comes up, I usually pass without fuss. To me, this technique works, and it's something I'm good at.

Things I'm good at.

I've decided to start writing a small thing every day, mentioning something I'm good at, in some way. There is way to much self-blame going on in my head, it needs counteracting.

So, for the first installment: I'm good at getting avocado out of the avocado peel, both in orderly cubes and in segments. I have this system, were I cut it in half, remove the seed, and then make cuts in the flesh of the avocado before hollowing it out with a spoon. I'm good at that.