Not so normal, after all...

I've been hanging out on the "Owner&Property"-thread at Fetlife for a few days. The conversation there is interesting, and centers around things I can relate to. And then I saw a reference from one of the regulars to the fact that the rest of Fet refers to them as extreme and somewhat crazy.

So okey. When I've finally found some people I can relate to, who seems to live ordinary lives that in important aspect is similar to my own, they are the crazy people?? That can't be right, because I'm like them, and I'm not in any way extreme...

Yeah. Well. Or something.

Not that it matter what anonymous "other people" on Fetlife thinks, but what I realised is how much it is that I take for granted, how I belittle this thing that me and my Mistress do, how in lack of references I've been quietly assuming that we are on the vanilla side of the kinky spectrum. Especially since the baby made it harder to play rough, and made us much more mindful of how we spend our resources - it's not really practical to put me in a deep subspace that lasts for half a day, if that means I can't function as a mom (and to me, it does mean that). So, our play has lessened, our sex life is sporadic, and our power exchange is nowadays most of the time a comfortable and ingrained way of relating to each other. It is so so easy for me to take it for granted.

But. I don't have limits (although there's lot of limitations). There's no area or subject that isn't hers to control. I don't do anything new or outside the schedule without asking her permission. I rapport regularly every day what I do and where I am. I don't buy things without asking permission. I can't eat what I want. If I don't comply, she can and do punish me, as she sees fit. She controls me sexually in every detail, I can't touch myself alone, and I can't orgasm without permission, even during sex. She owns me, completely.

This has been true all along. It's just that I'm so used with it by now, I don't reflect about it being odd in any way. Doesn't all couple live like this? And I realise they don't, and remembered a time when we didn't either, and that there actually were limits in the beginning, there were areas that she couldn't control. And then they fell away, one by one, and now that's such a long time ago that I had almost forgot it. I'm not trying to say that it is extreme in any way, but that it's not as vanilla and as common as I sometimes think.

I'm glad I remembered. I makes me appreciate what we have now even more. I'm so happy and thankfull that she wants me, that she wants to own me, and that there's nothing in my life she doesn't want.