Last year and even more so the year before that, I had it bad, but that's no wonder since I was exhausted. Stress accounted for a lot of it, but the fact is that I've been down during the winter for most of my life, and so has my mother. It's probably hereditary in one way or another, either by learning history and conditioning or more biologically, a vulnerability to lack of sunlight. Either way, here it comes, depression train approaching station.
I made a poster yesterday, when I was contemplating what I could do to lessen this. What approach was needed, what can I do? And I came up with three words that encompasses the things I need to get through the coming four month with sanity, relationship and self respect intact:
Acceptance.
Patience.
Trust.
I need to accept that this is how it is right now, that even though I can do some things to make it better I can't make the problem go away, nor does wishing it so or being angry at it make anything better. It is as it is. My brain works this way, and I'm not to blame for that, no more than I should blame myself for my brown hair or being 5"5. The more I fight against reality, the deeper I sink in the quicksand. This is how it is.
And I need to let it take time. It's going to be like this for awhile. That too is as it is.
And I need to trust in the sun coming out eventually. It's all going to be okay in the end. Even though it might take awhile, and even though it might not be precisely as I wish it would be in the meantime.
Right now, I'm going to drink coffee with Mistress who's working from home. And I think I'll enjoy it, and there's a good chance I'll actually feel what the coffee tastes like. I'm not going onboard the depression train just yet.
Have you tried a light box? I have heard it really helps with seasonal depression.
ReplyDeleteI haven't tried it, but I went to a light room at my gym last year, and I don't know... It might have helped, but I was so depresses from stress and burn out that I couldn't tell. I got inspired though, and have fitted our bedroom more or less the same way, all white and a lot of lamps. It's just lights into you eyes, anyway, there's no magic to it.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could afford a holiday somewhere sunny! At some point in our lives, we'll probably do that every winter. But not this particular winter, 'cause unemployed and poor and stuff.