Random thoughts on Christmas Day

Our first Christmas in the new house. This is our seventh Christmas as parents, and some of them have been remarkably lousy. Like the year when the kid had a stomach bug that just wouldn't let up and we went to the ER in the middle of the night in fear of her being dehydrated. Or the one when she started the day with picking up a piece of glass and putting it in her mouth. She spent all of Christmas dinner crying, and we had no idea why until later when we discovered she had cut herself. Anyway, big family gathering with lots of expectations has a tendency to end up disappointing.

This was a good one, though. Everybody was more or less nice to each other, and our kid played happily with her two cousins a lot of the day. We even managed to make the preparations and clean up for two meals (with ten people) not be entirely done by the females of the crowd. My brother and uncle didn't volunter, but they did agree when asked directly, and that will have to count as good enough.

That's a bit ridiculous actually. We were seven adults; me and Mistress, my brother and his wife, my mother, and my fathers brother och and his older sister. I have ADHD and a history of burn out and I'm very easily fatigued. My sister in law has Ehler-Danlos syndrome, a chronic illness that gives pain and physical weakness and fatigue. My mother had a stroke two years ago, and my aunt has Parkinson. So of us seven, only three are in fighting shape; my wife, my brother and my uncle. That didn't stop the two guys from spending a good part of the afternoon in beds on their backs, telling each other facts about unrelated things. Male privilege. I kind of hate it.

Anyway, today is spent at home just the three of us. I'm doing the privilege thing and lounging about upstairs while Mistress is playing with little S right now. But I'll join them soon, and my plan is that Mistress will be doing the lounging after dinner.

Of kink there is for the time beeing absolutely none. Because of life, and sickness and stress and missed opportunities and well... life. Mistress doesn't do kink or sex or anything like that when she's stressed, and we've been sick in some flu-like virus the week before Christmas. So yeah.

It's interesting, because I can feel how I slowly start to lose my good manners when we drift apart. I'm not intentionally bad in any way, but I get careless I guess. Or insecure, and therefore a bit obnoxious. It doesn't really make any sense, because we're not in a bad place actually. We just haven't had the opportunity for play or sex for a while. In every other way we're all good. But still. I lose my sense of place in the world, I get all uncomfortable and I don't like it.

The more I can behave myself and be the obedient and loving partner my Mistress wants me to be, the better it will be. The sooner we'll get on the right track again. If I start acting up and panic, we'll have to put a lot of valuable time and energy into fixing things, resources better spent having fun. So I'm trying.

I have a paper sign I've made to myself, several years ago, on the refrigerator. It has the words "acceptance, patience, trust" written on it. I try to remember that and be as well as I can in the moment.