Christmas break

We actually had a good Christmas. I'm a bit surprised, because this celebrating with family while having a little one haven't been all that fun the last couple of years. She's been sick, or just to tired, and also we've been exhausted to the point that any deviation from routine or extra demands on us has felt like a chore and nothing but a chore. This year though, we planned with all this in mind, didn't travel anywhere and didn't really have any expectations. And now she's three, which means she understands a lot more and had a lot more fun.

We celebrate on Christmas Eve (we're Swedes, we do that here) and on Christmas Day the kid was so tired and out of sorts that when it was lunch time she was laying on the floor with her favourite blanket and pacifier in her mouth, and I fed her laying down. Eventually she agreed to sit on my lap, and after a few more bites she wanted to sit on her own. But she was really spent after the excitement the day before. And so was I for that matter, and my parents and relatives. Mistress too, and she stayed at home while I was away with the kid socialising. I'm glad I can do that now, that I'm better and can do more things.

I'm taking two weeks off from school now, it's not official holidays (students don't get Christmas breaks) but I'm taking one anyway. And there's no lectures or anything planned, I'm thinking everyone is on an unofficial break. With the pressure from school off of me, I can do more with the kid and in the home, and take a little of the load off from Mistress. That feels really good.

We even had sex on Christmas Eve, after little S had gone to sleep. Mistress whipped me and then she apparently got inspired, because she fucked me too. It felt so good, and also, like a really good omen. If we could hang out with my parents a whole day, and spending all the time with little S, and not get on each others nerves and even have the energy to have sex in the evening - then things must really be better for us.

I bought Mistress a knife as a private Christmas present. Now, Mistress is the only one I know who once went to a LARP and played a knife-salesmen without having to borrow extra knifes - she has a few already, one can say. She likes knifes. But most of them are for LARPing, that is they have wood handles and are beautiful but not very... edgy. Or they're working knife, with bright red plastic handles and no sex appeal at all. We've talked about knife play, discussing whether or not it would be something to try, and Mistress once told me that the only thing that kept her from bringing a knife into our play was that none of the once she owned looked right. So I gave her one.

It's heavy but rather small, a pocket knife with a black handle and a blackened blade. It looks evil, even though it's just an ordinary workman's knife basically. She liked it, and used it on me a little bit, but only by stroking my naked body with it.

I'm not quite sure what she's going to do with it. I don't think she's really interested in making me bleed, or at least not a lot. She likes me more or less whole. She whips me bloody every now and then, but it's very shallow. So my guess is that she'll keep it shallow with the knife too. I wouldn't mind if she did cut me, honestly I would probably really like it if she made pretty marks on me. But I don't think neither of us finds a lot of blood or big gaping holes appealing. And also, the ER is such a boring place to spend an evening.

Mostly, the whole concept is just erotic and sexy in a scary kind of way.   

My friend I. reacted a bit funny when I mentioned knife play the other day, she was very apprehensive. She has a rather more exciting sex life than I have, and is into a lot of edgy stuff, so getting advice about caution from her threw me a little. It made me think, too. What is there to be afraid of?

I mean, really, what should I worry about? I have such a hard time seeing that bringing a knife in to the picture ups the stakes all that much. Yes, if Mistress went completely crazy she could do more damage with a knife than say with the rattan, but honestly, if I was calculating our actions on the basis of her going crazy, I wouldn't be with her at all. I mean, I leave my kid with her, for God's sake. I let her tie me up and gag me, without any possibility to get lose. She does all sorts of things. She runs our lifes. And honestly, she has kitchen drawers full of stuff to harm me with, not to mention her tool kit, if she was so inclined.

We discussed it a little, and one of the things I. brought up was skill. Knowing what you're doing. And if I look at it from the perspective of a casual play partner or someone you don't know all that well, a knife wouldn't be my first choice either. It can go so very wrong so very fast. But Mistress... I know her. And also, she's a hunter. She's been butchering animals for the last 20 years. If it's down to pure skill in knife handling, knowing how to cut, how hard to push, how to handle the blade, she does have that competence. It has nothing to do with kinky play and everything to do with working with a knife as a tool.

Anything else that may matter? Well, anatomy to some degree. But that only matters if she blade cuts through more than skin. If drawing blood and causing pain is the thing, then maybe it might be a good idea to know not to do that on say the jugular, or the inside of the thighs. Stay away from joints, and nerves. The basics. But there's nothing in that that is special for knifes - don't cut deep where you wouldn't hit with a rattan, and avoid the arteries. It's not rocket science. (Even though Mistress says that's not a good saying any more - rocket science isn't all that complicated...)

No matter what Mistress decides to do, I love that she has two weeks off her job too. She desperately needed a break. I've been trying to get little S out of her hair as much as I can, so that she'll get some actual rest and recovery, and not just switch from working and taking care of kid to taking care of kid full time. Yesterday when we were gone for several hours, she said she'd started to miss us. I liked that. That means I'm doing something right.