The last of the implements was the rattan. I was cold, and a little angsty and stressed, and I really didn't want to be beaten. The first ten strokes I cried "ouch!" for each of them, and we started laughing a little at that. "You do know we're only just starting?" my Mistress said, quite tenderly. And yes I knew that very well, but didn't really knew how I was supposed to stand it.
She took a break, though, after the first ten, and stroked and kissed me, before she resumed the beating. The next ten strokes at least I didn't cry out loud, I only huffed and puffed a lot, and whined, until it was finally over. She cuddled me a little again, and the ten after that I was almot quiet, and almost still. At least the cuddling in between had begun to feel really nice. For the next ten strokes I really was still and quiet, like she wants me to be, and for the final ten I finally relaxed and gave up.
"You're so good" she said, "I'm going to go give you a few more just because you're such a good girl". She kept hitting me, harder and harder, until it once more was difficult for me to lie still and take it. But I did, I relaxed and breathed in to my pillow, and her last couple of strokes were really really hard. And then it was finally over.
I just lay there, floaty and out of it, with a very sore bottom and a very calm soul. "Good girl", she said. "Did you notice that I gave you another fifty?" And no, I hadn't. I think the last few will give me bruises. I hope they will.
Mar 6, 2011
Mar 4, 2011
After the hiatus
For the first time in fourteen days, Mistress beat me. I wrote about the last time here at the blog, when she beat me with the rattan until I bled. And then nothing. The whole weekend nothing. The week and next weekend nothing. She's been very very busy with work. Stress and lack of time made her in some way simply cut that part out of her thoughts.
I tried to be patient and wait graciuosly. I don't think I did very well.
This morning we had a fight, or fights rather, 'cause they kept starting up again several times before we got to work. But several important things were said, and in the end she took out the rattan again, and while little S for a minute played for herself in an another room she beat me with it. A handful of strokes, as a correction for my bad behaviour during our fight. And it helped. A lot.
I don't think I truly realised before how important the physical side of our D/s-dynamic is to me. I mean, everything else was in place. I still followed her rules. I was still her little slut. Nothing had really changed. She just didn't have the time or the energy to do anything with me for a while. And it freaked me out, much more than I thought it would.
Luckily, a few strokes of the rattan made very much okay again. Not everything. But almost everything. Later in the evening, when little S was asleep, she got out the riding crop and beat me properly. And there's a difference when it has been a while. I realised, a little belatedly, that I was full of resentment, and that walls had been built up, and that I didn't like it. I couldn't take it. Except, of course, that she told me to lie still and be quiet, and then I did and could take it. Because she told me to.
She came up with a plan for the weekend. She is going to give me 50 strokes with each of the implements she owns before monday. To warm me up, and teach me my place again. The idea makes my stomach tingle. I guess my bottom will too, pretty soon.
I tried to be patient and wait graciuosly. I don't think I did very well.
This morning we had a fight, or fights rather, 'cause they kept starting up again several times before we got to work. But several important things were said, and in the end she took out the rattan again, and while little S for a minute played for herself in an another room she beat me with it. A handful of strokes, as a correction for my bad behaviour during our fight. And it helped. A lot.
I don't think I truly realised before how important the physical side of our D/s-dynamic is to me. I mean, everything else was in place. I still followed her rules. I was still her little slut. Nothing had really changed. She just didn't have the time or the energy to do anything with me for a while. And it freaked me out, much more than I thought it would.
Luckily, a few strokes of the rattan made very much okay again. Not everything. But almost everything. Later in the evening, when little S was asleep, she got out the riding crop and beat me properly. And there's a difference when it has been a while. I realised, a little belatedly, that I was full of resentment, and that walls had been built up, and that I didn't like it. I couldn't take it. Except, of course, that she told me to lie still and be quiet, and then I did and could take it. Because she told me to.
She came up with a plan for the weekend. She is going to give me 50 strokes with each of the implements she owns before monday. To warm me up, and teach me my place again. The idea makes my stomach tingle. I guess my bottom will too, pretty soon.
Mar 2, 2011
One good minute
We're sick. Some kind of flu. I got it yesterday, today my Mistress is affected too. Little S is healthy and happy and running around... Mistress is a hero and has taken the baby to the store by herself, while I'm lounging about feeling sorry for myself.
But an hour ago, I was lying on the mattress on the living room floor (placed there for exactly that purpose) and Mistress was sitting on the bench next to it. It felt so good, simly lying there next to her feet. I mentioned how right it felt, and then she rested one of her feet on my shoulder. I loved it. Suddenly, all the tension and stress and worry disappeared for a few minutes. Everything will be okay, because I'm hers. I belong to her, she owns me, and that means nothing can be really bad.
Miraculously, little S played nicely by herself (that in itself is a miracle) for several minutes. I could simply relax and belong, and during that moment, everything was okay.
But an hour ago, I was lying on the mattress on the living room floor (placed there for exactly that purpose) and Mistress was sitting on the bench next to it. It felt so good, simly lying there next to her feet. I mentioned how right it felt, and then she rested one of her feet on my shoulder. I loved it. Suddenly, all the tension and stress and worry disappeared for a few minutes. Everything will be okay, because I'm hers. I belong to her, she owns me, and that means nothing can be really bad.
Miraculously, little S played nicely by herself (that in itself is a miracle) for several minutes. I could simply relax and belong, and during that moment, everything was okay.
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