After the hiatus

For the first time in fourteen days, Mistress beat me. I wrote about the last time here at the blog, when she beat me with the rattan until I bled. And then nothing. The whole weekend nothing. The week and next weekend nothing. She's been very very busy with work. Stress and lack of time made her in some way simply cut that part out of her thoughts.

I tried to be patient and wait graciuosly. I don't think I did very well.

This morning we had a fight, or fights rather, 'cause they kept starting up again several times before we got to work. But several important things were said, and in the end she took out the rattan again, and while little S for a minute played for herself in an another room she beat me with it. A handful of strokes, as a correction for my bad behaviour during our fight. And it helped. A lot.

I don't think I truly realised before how important the physical side of our D/s-dynamic is to me. I mean, everything else was in place. I still followed her rules. I was still her little slut. Nothing had really changed. She just didn't have the time or the energy to do anything with me for a while. And it freaked me out, much more than I thought it would.

Luckily, a few strokes of the rattan made very much okay again. Not everything. But almost everything. Later in the evening, when little S was asleep, she got out the riding crop and beat me properly. And there's a difference when it has been a while. I realised, a little belatedly, that I was full of resentment, and that walls had been built up, and that I didn't like it. I couldn't take it. Except, of course, that she told me to lie still and be quiet, and then I did and could take it. Because she told me to.

She came up with a plan for the weekend. She is going to give me 50 strokes with each of the implements she owns before monday. To warm me up, and teach me my place again. The idea makes my stomach tingle. I guess my bottom will too, pretty soon.