Oct 1, 2012

Sickness and sex

And now I have a cold and a fever and bleeeh. I wanted to go to the dojo today, I've taken up ju-jutsu classes again together with a friend, and it's a lot of fun. But no, not with a fever.

And this is not like I had all spring, with a slight fever and dizziness and nausea - that was stress, and now when I know what it is, I've realised exercise actually helps and makes me feel better when I experience those symptoms. Unfortunately this is virus and exercise will only make it worse. Not to mention that I'm tired and off my game and would most likely spread snot and virus all over everyone else. And also, Mistress said I couldn't go.

The good thing is that I'm not feeling guilty. Or panicky. Or secretly relieved that I have a legitimate excuse to lessen my workload for a few days. Or ashamed of feeling relieved. I used to feel all of that, and some confusion and some more shame on top of that, every time I got sick, my whole life. Now I realise it was because the stressors of everyday life was too much for me to begin with, I was constantly pushed beyond what I could handle, and had constant angst because of that. That made being physically, noticeably sick a very mixed experience, riddled with shame and guilt.

Now, possibly for the first time since early childhood, the demands put on me is not more than I can handle, and I'm not full of guilt about the things I can and cannot do. And then a cold is simply a small annoyance, irritating but not something to fret about. Suddenly I realise how most people have it all the time.

I cancelled my appointment with a client tomorrow morning, it doesn't seem very professional to sneeze all over her. And also, I didn't want to go there. I wanted to be at home and nurse my cold and rest and feel better, and so I'll do that. Without angst. I'll most probably go to the seminar in the afternoon (if I don't feel a lot worse) and to a lecture Wednesday morning, because both of those is mandatory to the point of me having to do them next semester if I miss it, so it might be worth it to attend. But that's it. I don't have anything else mandatory this week, and I'm so glad it doesn't seem like the world is ending because I have a cold.

If little S gets it and can't go to pre-school, now that's another matter. Or if little S gets and and Mistress does, at the same time. Then I don't know what we're going to do - suffer, I guess. But for now, it's just me, and to be honest, I don't do much at home at this point anyway. Laying in my bed snuffling is not much different from laying in my bed not snuffling.

If I'd been feeling fine we might have had a lot of nice sadistic sex today, though. That would have been a more interesting blog topic. But obviously me with a head ache and a congested nose is not a turn on for Mistress, and there was only snuggling and conversations.

Saturday, though, was a different matter - I had done the packing for once, including the packing fo the toys, and Mistress got inspired. I found myself blindfolded, gagged and with taped wrists, and she beat me at all manner of places before she let me satisfy and eventually fucked me with her hand. I love being gagged and blindfolded - it takes away every impulse of action, and leaves nothing but sensation and trepidation. Oh, and I love Mistress. Especially in her leather pants. 


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