A small victory

I'm still sick, I've been to the doctor today for the umpteenth time, and am going to try allergy pills - it might be allergies. Who knows? Anyway, I'm tired and aching and cranky, and me and Mistress ended up this afternoon at the supermarket, doing some shopping before riding our bikes home with the groceries. We needed some cheese and milk and fruit and diapers. My back was aching, I needed to pee, and I was seriously worried that I would simply collapse on the bike ride home, or being so tired when we finally got there that I would be useless for anything the rest of the evening.

So that was the base line. We're going around picking stuff out, and Mistress finds a special deal on olives. She wants to take three for the price of two. I don't want to shop anymore, I want to find a toilet and preferably a warm comfy bed and not carry anything anywhere anymore. And especially not more olives than we would need anytime this week, or next.

But it was cheap, and we like olives, and Mistress decided to get them.

And here's the important part. I panicked. I had a small but visible anxiety attack. I was convinced Mistress either didn't realise how badly I felt or that she didn't care about it. Either way, she would drive me to my death by olive choosing and over-shopping, and eventually I would be a overworked shell of a human being, of no use to her anymore, and she would kick me to the curb, not loving me anymore.

Because I'm always reasonable and realistic in my worldview.

I felt all that, I thought all that, it was horrible - and I didn't say anything. I put the olives in the basket, and we kept shopping. Later, she took a good time deciding about the perfect package of toilet paper, and I panicked again, and again I kept my mouth shut. I said "Yes Mistress" and made helpful suggestions, and eventually biked home completely without collapsing or being in anyway reduced to useless shell.

And we had time for a short snuggle before I had to rush off again picking little S up from babysitting grandpa, and I told her about my struggle, and she petted me and said I was her good girl. And I was! I really, really was!