Post vacation argument

We had a wonderful time in Edinburgh, it was as great as we'd imagined, or even better. We slept a lot, (but not all the time...) and the hotel was a small, quirky place with friendly staff were everything worked and it lacked those certain things that I associate with Brittish hotel standard; the mould, the damp, the smell, the noise... Well, the toilet was a bit funny, but what can you expect?

And I absolutely love that city. I don't usually rave on about places, but this is marvellous. It's such a great mixture of really old and very modern, everyone is nice and friendly in a way swedes rarely are, and it's so so beautiful. Even on Friday, when it poured down the whole day. Saturday was cold but sunny, and we toured the castle and sampled whisky and had halfdrunken sex in the middle of the afternoon and then went on a guided tour on a graveyard (the Greyfriars) including scary stories about a violent poltergeist, and a masked person jumping out screaming "Booo!" and scaring everyone (except Mistress, who claims to had seen it coming and not being frightened. I believe her, even.)

And we didn't argue ones. Not ones. Not even the first day when I had to wait for her for half an hour in the rain in a strange city after travelling all day to meet her. And not when we were tired or had to wait for half an hour before being served in a restaurant or when we didn't find things while we were packing up, or anything. Not at all.

And then we got home, and boom! Withing an hour I'm shouting swearwords at her, and an hour later I fall in pieces crying over a completely different matter at the kitchen table, having little S patting my hand and saying "poor you!" and asking "mommy A" what she's done. I mean, we solved the issues when they occurred, but still. And then again this morning, and then I had kind of had it, and was simply devastated. So was Mistress, for that matter.

She claims I don't seem to listen to her, that she behaves the same but I don't obey her. And I claim that she simply doesn't give me any direction, issues no orders, and then suddenly start criticising me and getting down on me as if I was doing something other than she had said - only she didn't say anything.

And if you add in something akin to a lot of noise, both accounts may be true.

It isn't really noise, of course. Not as such. It's the constantly distracting, interrupting, disruptive presence of an active, happy two-year-old. When we're alone, our communication works just fine. But when we also have to deal with a loud third party, our wires get crossed. Her directives pass me by, or doesn't reach me, and my attempt to follow her and perform what I percieve as her intent is misunderstood or overlooked. And then we both feel ignored, unjustly treated and less loved, which makes us grumpy and makes us interpret things in a negative way. That downard spiral doesn't seem to need much time at all to get out of hand.

She promised to make an effort to be more clear and specific in her orders, and to repeat them if it seems like I'm not adhering to them. I promised to try to ask when I feel confused, instead of doing and then blowing up when I get corrected. We'll se how far that takes us.

And then I got depressed because I still got a fever, and I'm very very tired of this by now.